I was searching for something to say, tomorrow being the two yr. anniversary of Cody's passing. And I just can't find words to describe how I feel now. Time does help, but it doesn't heal. And sometimes time makes it worse, when you miss someone so much. And there are still so many unanswered questions, and so much time spent wondering why. But when I get to my worst, I go back and re-read Bill's service message, because it reminds me that while we think this world we live in is God's greatest creation, and we wish Cody were here, it reminds me that HEAVEN is actually God's greatest creation, and I'm sure Cody is wishing we were there.
In the meantime, I was looking back thru blogs I've written on Cody's myspace memorial site, and I found this one from one year ago today. I wanted to share it with you because the message still holds true. And no matter who you are, if I know you or not, I still feel like the most important thing at this point is sharing Cody's legacy, and praying that someone out there hears his message and takes it to heart. That's all I can do for anyone anymore... or for myself. But I do hope that you share this with others, because in the end, that's all that matters....
~ MY HEART IS IN HEAVEN ~ (originally posted on Cody's myspace memorial site, April 21, 2008). Well, Tuesday is one year since Cody went to heaven. I try to help you guys wherever I can. I share things that have helped me, in the hopes they will help you. This year has without a doubt been the worst of my life (and I've had some pretty bad ones). But the one thing that keeps me sane is knowing that Cody is in heaven. I know we don't know exactly what heaven looks like or feels like, but supposedly it's a lot better than here. And I have faith in that. Because here, we are suffering and in pain... but they say that in heaven no one suffers, or is sad, or is in any kind of pain, whether emotional or physical. It's so hard to imagine where people go and what they do when they die. We don't even usually think about that for ourselves... unless you've had a deadly disease or injury, and have the opportunity to think about it first. Some people are given notice that their time is coming... thru a sickness or serious injury. But some people don't get that kind of notice. I'm sure Cody didn't know that he was going to be in that accident. But a couple of really strange, profound things happened before that moment. One being Cody WANTED to go to church. As I've said, he never asked to go, and usually didn't want to, if I asked him. So while it didn't rouse any suspicion in me, the afterthought is one of amazement. I really think he was having his own kind of spiritual awakening. He knew, subconciously that he needed to be there. And while David and I are no longer together, I really think that the reason David came back into our lives was to get us back into church... because Cody needed to be there, to hear about Jesus and His gift of salvation, and unconditional love. Because I had stopped going to church for a long time, but David encouraged us to go, and Cody actually wanted to. And so I'm thankful that David came back into our lives.... because it got Cody where he needed to be, to hear what he needed to hear, to learn about Jesus's sacrifice and to start that relationship with God that he never had before. Because as I've said so many times in the past year.... That relationship with God is ALL that matters in the end. You can't take ANYTHING else with you... nothing. And if you don't have a relationship with God, you are guaranteed to be left in darkness for eternity. But if you know and love God, you are guaranteed to have heaven, in all it's wonder and glory, in your future for eternity. The other thing is, of course, 'Cody's Crosses'. I really didn't know at the time that those crosses had such meaning for him, and YOU. I thought it was neat that he thought of it and had David put them on top of that hill, but I never thought that it was going to have so much meaning. And when I went out on Easter Sunday and took those photos, I thought that was pretty neat too...but I still never realized they would have such a profound message for you, his friends. But you know, what you have to realize is the 'meaning' of those crosses. Those crosses stand for love, forgiveness and freedom from suffering. Jesus suffered for us, on that cross, because He loves us that much....and He did that so that we could have a relationship with God... because we were seperated from God by sin. And if Jesus hadn't died on that cross to pay the price for our sins, we would NEVER be able to have a relationship with God. In the Old Testament days, people offered sacrifices of animals, to 'apologize' for sin, to ask for forgiveness. But no sacrifice was ever truly worthy of God's forgiveness, until Jesus came along and allowed Himself to be sacrificed. So the only way to receive forgiveness for all the stupid, sinful things we do, is to accept the gift Jesus gave us, and allow Him to come into our lives, to learn what He taught thru the Bible, and to accept God's grace of forgiveness thru the sacrifice of HIS LIFE. And 'Cody's Crosses' are simply a reminder of that... a reminder that God gave us the opportunity to have a relationship with Him. Those Crosses are there to remind us, to encourage us, to help us. And they ARE going to be put back out on the property soon. The church is working on plans for a 'prayer garden' where the crosses will be placed, and there will be some type of seating arrangement, so that you can go there any time you want, and have a quiet moment, and just pray and reflect on the gifts they have given us. I know it's been frustrating that they were taken down, but the church had no choice. The hill had to be removed during construction. But they have promised me that they will be put back up. You know I could write for hours and hours about all the amazing qualities Cody had. He was TRULY the best person we have known. He had such a sweet, kind way about him, and always wanted the best for everyone. But the best only comes with that relationship with God, from knowing that once God is in charge of your life, you have help, love, support, forgiveness and a future. I know Cody didn't talk about God, or share what he knew... he was just getting into that relationship... just starting to really understand what it was all about. He was trying to explain it to Gurney while they were on that trip back from the dump. He was telling him what he had learned in church that day, about placing God on the throne of your life... making God first. Because when God is first, things just fall into place. Please don't ever worry that if you place your life in God's hands, you will die. THAT is NOT the message Cody wanted us to get from this. It's not! But certainly, the fact that with that relationship with God, he was guaranteed to go to heaven, is part of the message. Think for a moment.... if I didn't KNOW that Cody had accepted Jesus's gift of salvation, love and forgiveness.... I wouldn't KNOW where Cody was. I would be so distraught thinking that he may have died and gone directly to hell. I would feel like I had let him down in the worst kind of way. Eternity is a LONG time... you don't want to spend it in hell!! And you only have 2 choices.... heaven or hell... there is NO in-between. But because God pulled him into church, and had a message told that he could understand and relate to, and he accepted that message.... and accepted Jesus into his life...he is in heaven now, not hell. God gave him a choice.... 'hear it' ~ 'receive it' ~ 'reject it' ~ or 'accept it'. And Cody accepted it.... it was his choice, but he did the right thing. God knew what was going to happen that day, and He gave Cody a choice. And as usual, Cody did the 'right thing'. And I thank God every day for that. Cody taught us so many things, like how to love people unconditionally. That's not something that is easy to do... I can't do it. There are people in my life for whom I just can't find any redeeming value. And I try to keep them at a distance, and pray for them and for their souls and peace of mind... but I wish I didn't have to. But I know that this is part of my lesson to learn from Cody.... how to love someone uncondtionally... even if you feel they don't deserve it. WE will ALWAYS love and miss Cody... ALWAYS!!! But rest assured, if you have a relationship with God, as Cody did... you WILL see him again!! That's one of God's promises that I hold near and dear to my heart... because my heart is always in heaven!!!
Well, Its been about a year and four months. so far. and Gosh! its been rough with out him.
Cody was the coolest, besteest, nicest person ever to have as a friend and nothing could have changed that.
Though i wasnt one of those people who hung out with him every weekend or during lunch. we talked alot.
We sat next to each other in computer lab and we talked alot. and he opened up to me about alot. and it was cool. but the year i left for a month it was his time to go. I found out at my school sitting next to rebecca jester. she told me and i was so confused.
How could this happen to him. of all people CODY!! why ? this cant be true why? I tried calling his cell. no awnsers. i didnt know what to do. then I saw that i missed the viewing. I was in New Hampshire. and I didnt get to see it. I cried for so long knowing that an awesome guy was gone/ taken from this world. But then i realized Cody wouldnt want us to be saddd He wants us to celebrate. HE WANTS US TO KNOW THAT THINGS ARE WONDERFUL NOW!!
Though we miss him. and Though we love him...
We will soon see him.
as in the Bible
we are in our last days!
With all mah love and soul.
Amanda Jeanette Kern
Thinking of you / Shirley Baer (none) I am soo sorry for the loss of your son...You are in my thoughts and prayers during thsi holiday season.
We all Miss him / Amanda Kern (Freind)
I am soo depressed now that cody is gone but i dont think about it even though it hurts my heart knowing that i could of done something like call him or anything makes me feel apart of it though we only talked a little bit we talked always of things normal people would not talk about like music or gossiop we would talk about going to college or getting a scholarship somewhere but i miss him dearly and dont let your spirit get down just because he is gone it is a big step for all of us and its hard to sleep knowing that he is gone. well i hope you guys stay happy he is an angel in the sky
A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime.... / Mom People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
"The most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man."
I have read this passage many, many times in emails over the years, and we always smile and say, "yeah, I get it, sounds nice, forward it and move on to the next thing". But as I've been sitting here printing old emails from friends who have helped me along the way... I came across this and it struck me in a different way this time...
I have always known that people (both good and bad) have come into my life for a reason... and that I try to learn something from everyone... including Cody... especially now. Everyone ALWAYS knew Cody was special... it's very hard to explain... very hard... you would have to have been a part of this family to understand... we just all always knew Cody was special... not that my girls are not special... but there was always just something different and unique about Cody.... and I have absolutely been blessed to have had him as my son.... words cannot describe how I feel about him... it's too different and hard to explain... I would look at him and he would just smile a little half-smile, not say anything at all, just look at me... I wish I could have read his mind... but I know I was drawn to look at him and burn that memory into my mind for some reason. But the more important thing is that I have come to realize that Cody absolutely taught us all a LOT of "lifetime lessons"... things that I cannot ever have learned from anyone else... one thing in particular, he liked everyone... even the kid that threatened to beat him up in elementary school... from what I understood later, they became friends... without any big dramatic display, just slowly but surely became friends. Cody liked everyone... no matter what... EVERYONE was a "best friend". And even though these kids have to move on in life, I doubt that they will ever forget the times he shared with them, or the advice he gave them, or the smiles and laughter... AND THAT is a "lifetime lesson"... one that I know I will remember, and one that I hope they will remember and put to use in all their relationships... and build upon that and become better, stronger, more compassionate people. THAT is what Cody would want... to know that his life truly did impact ours and we truly did learn something from him. And it starts within our hearts.....
Your Cross to Bear... / Mom Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, there will always be sunshine, after the rain ....
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall, But God's always ready, To answer your call ...
He knows every heartache, sees every tear, A word from His lips, can calm every fear ...
Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night, But suddenly vanish, with dawn's early light ...
The Savior is waiting, somewhere above, To give you His grace, and send you His love ...
Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, "God always sends rainbows .... after the rain ... "
Your Memorial Stone.... / Mom Your memorial stone is in place and it is beautiful... only the best for you, it was imported from India and that's what took so long... we are all sorry it didn't get here in time for your birthday... but it is beautiful and it has an eternity light... to shine forever, just like your light will shine down on us forever... you are so beautiful and we love and miss you so much!!! But I wanted to let everyone know how to find it in case they want to go there. You enter the Wicomico Memorial Park from the Snow Hill Rd. entrance. When the road forks you go to the left and park right there, past that triangle, under the tree. If you enter the park and go about 3 rows forward, you will see a memorial stone marked "Parker" ... that is where my father and grandparents are. If you go about 3 spaces to the left you will find Cody's memorial. It is larger than the rest but lays flat (we had no choice due to the rules of the park). But it is still a beautiful memorial for you and I am so glad your father chose the "Lord's Prayer". I miss you so badly, and I wish I could change time and circumstance and bring you back... you left this world too soon for us, and I'll be missing you forever, until I see you again in heaven... that is a promise!!
Labor Day Weekend... / Mom It's Labor Day weekend and Faith and I went to dinner at Chinatown Buffet. We used to go there almost every weekend... with Cody, because we all like the crab legs. We used to do everything with Cody. He went with us everywhere, all the time. And it's hard to do these things without him now. We used to go to Chick Fil A every couple of weeks and spend a couple of hours sitting there talking while Faith played in their playground. Or we'd go to Hardee's in Delmar and sit for hours and talk too... while Faith played. Cody was my confidant... he knew everything about me, good and bad.... and he was always encouraging and honest about his feelings... except if he thought it would hurt me. He always listened and tried to understand about all the crazy things that happen in my life... from work to relationships. He learned a lot from my mistakes... but I tried to teach him compassion for those people in our lives who were really messed up in their own ways... but I really didn't have to teach him... he had compassion in his heart already. But he really never shared much about his friends... he would definetly keep secrets for them (if there were any...but there always are). He had a lot of respect for his friends and he honored their confidance. Everyone was a best friend to him... everyone... Then there were those special weekends when he would go stay with Joe or Justin. Joe and Justin were the ones that he hung out with when there were down times and they would have been bored otherwise... two of his best friends. That's not to say the other guys weren't best friends... everyone was Cody's best friend... but these guys would invite him over to hang out... they'd go paintballin' or just play computer games all weekend... or go out on the boat, tubin'. I never had to worry about where he was or what he was doing. These guys (and the other guys who would sometimes go places with them)... were awesome... I doubt he could've ever asked for better friends. Both of them were quiet, as was Cody. They didn't have to be running around town causing trouble to have fun. They were happy just hangin' out and making memories. Many times in the past year I would take him to the mall to hang out or see a movie... I remember once I went in the mall with Faith and we happened to pass them... he grinned but didn't say anything... it's not cool to see your mom at the mall! I remember thinking wow!... there were a bunch of guys! All with LONG HAIR! Except Cody... he always liked his short... but I remember Joe, Justin, Josh, Cam, Dylan and others that I didn't know at the time. They were one bunch of cool guys... walking around, no doubt checking out the girls... but just hangin' out... makin' memories. We were going to turn half of my garage into a room for Cody... so he could have his privacy and have friends over more (cause it's not cool to hang out with your mom!). He was really looking forward to it I think, we were going to get him a pool table, and for Christmas I had bought him a docking station for his Ipod and an electronic dart board. He like skateboardin' too... and there's lots of places nearby where guys skateboard. And I'm sure they would've gone to Lombardi's a lot too. We used to... it took me almost 4 months to go back in there... cause either we all went, or when we went Cody was working... it was hard to even imagine going there without him. I always remember Josh's smile... he always smiled and said "hey" to us.... standing behind the counter makin' pizzas. And Megan would come and sit with us and catch up on all the drama... and there was always drama in our lives (or at least mine). It was so hard to go back there, but I knew I had to. They came and sat with us and talked for a few minutes... and it was only when they walked away that I got upset... sitting there alone.... It's hard to go places where we used to go... I can barely sit at a table alone when Faith walks away. Tonight I caught myself crying several times when Faith walked away and I felt so alone. We went out to dinner every single night (I NEVER cook). And Cody was ALWAYS there. My mom had gotten into the habit of going with us since Cody died and I didn't realize what a difference it made until here lately when I have gone with just Faith several times (Chick Fil A a couple of times too). And the memories come back... all the nights we would sit at a table and talk about anything... and everything. I am so thankful to have had that time with him... I'm so thankful he wasn't a recluse. And I'm so thankful he came out of his shell in the last year or so and really matured into a compassionate, caring person... not just to me, but to all his friends. And now that things have changed, I have to make some major adjustments to my routines and I have to form new memories... while still holding onto his... which I will always do... They say time heals and lessens the pain... but it will never go away... not until I see him again... so I thank God that I will have that opportunity someday... but it will never be soon enough... never.
Before U were thought of or time had begun, God stuck U in the name of His Son.
And each time U pray, you'll see it's true, You can't spell out JesUs and not include U.
You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name, For U, He was born; that's why He came.
And His great love for U is the reason He died. It even takes U to spell crUcified.
Isn't it thrilling and splendidly grand He rose from the dead, with U in His plan?
The stones split away, the gold trUmpet blew, and this word resUrrection is spelled with a U.
When JesUs left earth in His upward ascension, He felt there was one thing He just had to mention,
"Go into the world and tell them it's true That I love them all - Just like I love U."
So many great people are spelled with a U, Don't they have a right to know JesUs too?
It all depends now on what U will do, He'd like them to know, But it all starts with U.
When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you!
I don't care what people may say about me posting messages about God and Jesus on Cody's websites... because THIS IS how we should remember him... that he found Jesus just in time... that God spoke to his heart, pulled him into church and Cody came to realize that he needed God in his life... not knowing that his time was near, just knowing that he needed God and he trusted God. But God didn't let him down when he was in that accident... God knew it was coming... He knew something was going to happen that day and Cody was going to pass on from this world. If he wasn't in that car accident, something else would have happened, with someone else involved.... it wouldn't have mattered who, what, when or how... it was Cody's time to go to heaven. If not, then God would have made him live., or nothing would have happened at all. They had driven that road hundreds of times already over the years, there was nothing new or different about that day, except that Cody was in God's hands. Because God knew it was going to happen that way. And God didn't let him suffer, for that I am thankful, because a lot of people in accidents suffer terribly, sometimes for many, many years... Cody didn't suffer. One more thing I have to share about that day. My mom met one of the firefighters who was at the scene. He told her how amazed people were that there were "religious papers" (our church bulletins) that formed a perfect circle around the truck. They were just laying on the ground in a complete, perfect circle all around the truck.... and people commented on how odd that was. But it wasn't odd... it was God... it was God's way of showing He was there, of letting us know he was surrounding Cody and that he was in God's hands. Unfortunately, bad things do happen to good people... that is a fact of life on this earth. But good people don't go to heaven, people who believe in Christ and accept the grace of His salvation and forgiveness of sin, and who have a relationship with God, go to heaven. It's as simple as that. Call me a religious freak if you want, but I know if I was not sure that Cody is in heaven, I would be locked up in some insane assylum. I would feel that I had let him down, that I didn't prepare him, because who ever thinks that their child will leave the house one day on a routine road trip and never come back? NO one! We assume we will get notice of the end of our days, but we don't. We think we have all the time in the world to think about that kind of stuff and prepare for our passing, or our loved one's passing. But we don't know! We will never know! And I just thank God for working on Cody ahead of time and giving him that feeling that he wanted to go to church and he wanted to believe in Jesus, and he wanted to put God first. Because if things hadn't happened that way, if Cody hadn't come to know God, then he wouldn't be in heaven and I would be insane, worrying about where he was and how he was. Now, even though it hurts every bit as bad today as it did the first day, I have some comfort knowing that Cody is safe and happy in God's care... actually better off than he would be here... this world we live in is a lot like hell... and Cody doesn't have to worry anymore. But I will forever love and miss him with all my heart and soul... because nothing changes the fact that I love him and want him here with me... but that just wasn't meant to be... and I have to accept that. And just know that I will see him again someday... that is a promise...
Cody, I sponsored this site thru your friends...forever...so all can continue to come here and speak to you, remember you and honor you...forever...You Are Loved!!
Tributes and Condolences
he is an angel in the sky
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